that embarrassing family member that you can’t help but be related to
really glad that I never took your name
take me
away, please, to hanoi, to paris, to the after life, to mars, the moon, just away
come sweep me off my feet, make love to me, see me, just look at me and see me, make me visible, make me visible
my husband doesnt see me he wont even notice, just take me, no one would notice, no one would see us leave
you fucking hate me
and my life is just crushed under your hatred
what do you all expect from me?
when i was 6 years old i was in kiddy gymnastics and i loved it i thought it was so fun i loved bouncing around to the music and listening to the teachers instructions and one day my dad finally came to watch me tumble and i tried to perform for him and whole drive home to my moms apartment he just kept telling me i didnt do any of the moves right and how he used to be so good at them and he told me i dont do his right i dont do that right “… you dont run right, you dont even breathe right”
the next day i quit gymnastics, when my nana tried to take me to class i cried and cried and threw a fit and she took me anyways and before class started i just sat on the side of the mat paralyzed with fear because my 6 year old body was so bad, so beyond bad, how could i ever be good? even though i was only 6 i felt like i was so bad that i would never have enough years in my life to possibly be close to good, i just shivered on the sides of the mat and when the teacher started playing the music i just turned bright red with fear and shame and i left and i never went back
i didnt breathe right because i couldnt breathe through my nose, and because of that my jaw grew incorrectly and my whole lower face has several skeletal deformities, and instead of ever taking me to the doctor you just made me eat dinner outside alone on the porch because i couldnt chew with my mouth closed without getting light headed and feeling like i was drowning
you men, you infallible men tower over me telling me just not to try and i stare dumb and shivering